Plastic Fangs and Guitar Strings
by Murasaki Kaida
Summary: ShinoTen, GaaSaku, HidaTema, ShikaIno, HinaKiba, Irunko. AU Crack! Shino gets dragged into the school play as the Dracula to Tenten's Mina. Insanity ensues. See inside for more details. Rated for language and innuendo.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto or Dracula

NOTES: Written for Rel after she dreamt about Vampire!Shino. Originally meant to be a oneshot for Metamorphoze, but it got kind of epic and...spawned two more chapters as well. It's cracky AU, with ShinoTen, GaaSaku, HidaTema, ShikaIno, KibaHina, Irunko. Some lines have been directly quoted from the Dracula movie while others have been altered, where either Anko or the individual character has improvised. There's some Neji-bashing, as usual - I can't help it! I think it's my natural instinct to take care of Shino.

Please review!

* * *

"There it is," Tenten murmured, staring at the sheet of paper tacked to the cafeteria corkboard. "That's it – right there."

"Could you just look at it already?" Ino hissed, folding her arms. Tenten had been standing there for several minutes, staring dumbly at the sheet of paper without moving.

"I'm too nervous," Tenten groaned.

"Are you _that _excited about the play?" Sakura asked, inching towards the corkboard.

"Come on," Tenten rolled her eyes. "Dracula. DRACULA. Who wouldn't want to be in a play of that?"

"Sure, like you care that it's Dracula," Temari snickered. "You just want confirmation that the apple of your eye gets to suck your blood."

"Among other things," Ino nodded. Hinata flushed.

"Yeah, yeah," Tenten muttered. "So what if I want Neji to get up close and personal with my jugular? Don't tell me the rest of you wouldn't leap at the chance."

"I wouldn't," Temari replied simply. The other three nodded in agreement, looking queasy. "The defeatist emo type doesn't do it for me. Sorry."

Tenten shook her head. It would probably be best to ignore them – they couldn't possibly understand how awesome this was. Not only would the play rock, but...if Neji got Dracula and she got Mina, maybe it was just the boost she needed to get the Hyuuga to notice her.

She could imagine it now – Neji in a dark cape, turning towards her...

"You're a dummy, Tenten," Ino sighed. "He's not even that nice to you. In fact – sometimes, he's an outright jerk. If I were you I'd set my sights elsewhere."

"Everywhere, you mean."

"You little – "

"Le-let's just check the casting list!" Hinata stuttered. She looked more than a little flustered from the whole argument and drooling over her cousin thing – it happened often enough, but it never seemed to get old or less disturbing for her. Trying to avoid a hubbub, she stepped forwards to scan the list, the others following suit.

"KYAAA! Tenten made Mina!" Sakura cheered.

"I'm Lucy!" Ino gushed, putting her hands to her chest as though this was a total surprise. "I think we're following the movie version of Dracula – and luckily, I'm pretty sure they've taken out the whole werewolf rape scene. I really wouldn't wanna act that out on stage in front of my dad, you know?"

"I'm sure it'd have been the highlight of his life," Temari muttered.

"Shut your face."

"We're the three brides?" Temari frowned, looking at Sakura and Hinata. "Does that mean we have to wear skimpy bits of cloth?"

"You better hope not," Sakura muttered, pointing at the list. "Your favourite IT tech stalker has been cast as Van Helsing."

"EH?!" Temari leant in and gaped at the name 'Hidan' on the dotted line, flourished with a heart above the 'i'. "It's a _student_ play! Who the hell was casting this?!"

"Anko and Iruka," Ino supplied.

"That dirty whore," Temari seethed.

"W-we don't really have to wear skimpy clothes, right?" Hinata mumbled, wringing her hands.

"Hey, it's a good thing!" Ino flung her arm around Hinata's shoulders. "Maybe they'll catch the attention of a certain dog boy – "

"I-Ino!" Hinata looked down, her cheeks burning.

"KYAAAAA!" Tenten bounced on the spot, like she had been for the past few minutes. She'd made Mina! MINA! She had an unfair advantage, she supposed, in that she actually wanted to pursue drama as a career. The others only did theatre for extra credit. They were a mixed lot really – Ino wanted to do beauty therapy, Sakura wanted to be a medic, Hinata was interested in apothecary and Temari was interested in co-owning a dojo with her brothers. "Tell me Neji's Dracula! TELL ME GODAMMIT!"

Sakura looked at the list. Her finger hovered over a name on the list and Temari raised an eyebrow, before Sakura moved on up to the name at the top. "Oh."

"What? What's oh?" Tenten was baffled. Even though she was eager to know for sure, there was no way it _couldn't_ be Neji. He was perfect in so many ways.

Temari, Ino and Hinata crowed around Sakura and peered at the list, all gasping and blocking Tenten with their bodies from looking at the list herself. Their ooooohs and aaaahhs and confused looks were driving her mad – she was actually beginning to feel a little worried.

"Well..." Sakura said. "...he definitely plays your husband." She beamed, a little too broadly. "Isn't that great! Your husband!"

Tenten stared. "My what?" Mina never married Dracula. But she did marry...

"Uh-oh," Temari sighed, rubbing her forehead. Her eyes kept straying back to the name on the dotted line next to 'Van Helsing'.

"Wait a second – Neji made Harker? HARKER?" Now _that_ was something she couldn't...well, okay, she _could_ picture it. It was kind of fitting in many ways, especially the movie version of Harker. She didn't want to think about how easily she could imagine Neji doing Keanu Reeves' questionable acting, so she leapt straight onto her next question. "Who the hell made Dracula?"

Hinata coughed. "A-Aburame Shino..."

Tenten stared. She looked at the casting list, then looked over her shoulder. At a table in the corner of the cafeteria, a guy in cargo trousers, a baggy Iron Maiden t-shirt and dark wraparound sunglasses sat and pointedly ignored his loudmouthed friend, Kiba. A skull and crossbones print bandanna held his spiky hair away from his face, showing slim dark brows that were drawn down in a permanent scowl. In his lap was an acoustic guitar with stickers for Guns N' Roses and and Tenacious D stuck to its light coloured body. He strummed on it gently with his back turned to other boy at the table.

Tenten looked back at the casting list, then at him again.

"_That_ Shino?"

"You know any other Shinos?" Ino sneered, rolling her eyes.

"H-How did this happen?" Tenten gaped.

"Anko," Temari snarled, cracking her knuckles. Tenten contented herself with the idea that Temari was sympathising with her, even though deep down inside, she knew Temari was imagining a bloody KO versus both Anko and Hidan.

"But...Dracula is supposed to be charming and dark and brooding and passionate, with a twist of darkness and..."

"Sounds about right to me," Sakura said, raising a pink brow. "Have you even spoken to Shino? That guy's like a vampire who got thrown up on by 80s rock bands. Cut him some slack."

"N-Neji-kun is still playing your husband," Hinata stammered, steepling her index fingers together. "A-and Sakura-san is right – Shino-kun is v-very nice and charming."

"Shino-_kun_?" Ino demanded.

"Lay off," Temari snorted. "He's Kiba's friend – of course Hinata will know him."

Tenten's mind swirled with horror. This could be a catastrophe. Who cared if Neji was playing her husband? There was no real spark between Harker and Mina, not like there was between Mina and Dracula. "Who is this Shino guy anyway? I've never seen him in theatre class."

"He's there," Sakura shrugged. "He's just kinda...quiet and nondescript."

"Boring," Ino said.

"Nondescript," Sakura glared.

"Why would a guy like that take theatre?" Temari wondered aloud.

"Extra credit," Hinata sighed. "When they c-cancelled those extra language classes, Sh-Shino-kun was one of the students who had to be moved."

"So he's not even serious about it?" Tenten asked, conveniently forgetting that Neji's unnatural devotion to the class was a source of mockery and therefore Shino would be a bit of a relief. "How the hell did he make Dracula?!"

"Anko," all four girls said.

"She gets whims," Ino snickered. "She sees a guy she likes and casts him in whatever play she's directing at the time – you can always tell who's her flavour of the week by checking out the lead guy."

Tenten stared at Shino. It was hard to believe that such a quiet, strange person could be the flavour of the week for such an insane woman.

"Hey, at least you don't have to have _Shikamaru_ as your husband," Ino snorted, rolling her eyes. Everyone looked at her. She was fooling no one.

"Let's congratulate him," Tenten said suddenly. "Let's go congratulate Shino on his completely dark horse victory."

The other girls eyed her warily as she marched over to Shino and Kiba's table.

"Aburame-san," Tenten said. His strumming hand stilled above the strings and his head raised a fraction. Even though she couldn't be sure that he was looking at her, she had the feeling that he was. "Congratulations."

He stared at her. Kiba looked between them both, bemused, before catching sight of Hinata and waving amiably.

Tenten's eyebrow twitched. Was this weirdo ever gonna say anything?

"For what?" He said eventually, his voice deep and smooth. Tenten had to admit – not consciously, of course – that his voice was more than adept for Dracula.

Immediately after she thought this, the part of her brain that comprised the Neji Fan Club rebelled. This guy was never seen without his sunglasses – you couldn't have Dracula wearing shades with his impressive cloak, that would just be ridiculous!

And didn't this guy have a thing for bugs? Surely he'd be better suited for Renfield than Dracula.

"On being the lead in the Dracula play," Tenten replied. Surely he knew already?

More silence.

Kiba started to laugh.

"You jest of course," Shino said, sounding as though it wouldn't be a very funny joke.

"Uh, no...it's right there at the top of the casting list. You're Dracula." Tenten stared at him. "You didn't know?"

Shino's lips pursed. He put his guitar down in the hardcase at his feet and went over to look at the casting list.

"Oh my god," Tenten groaned. "What the hell is going to happen to this play?"

"It'll be one helluva thing to see," Kiba replied, still laughing. "Did I get in?"

"You're Quincy," Ino nodded, and none-too-subtly nudged Hinata with her elbow. "Little Miss here is one of the three brides."

"Whoa," Kiba said. "Sounds chilly."

Hinata turned red.

"I already know who's Harker," Kiba smirked, winking at Tenten. "Who's Van Helsing?"

"Hidan," Sakura snickered.

Kiba bellowed with laughter, and shut up instantly at the look on Temari's face. "Please don't hit me."

Temari cracked her knuckles. "If it isn't bad enough that he haunts my every moment, at every computer terminal...now he has to prance around on stage in front of me too!"

"Well, if he's prancing, it probably means you're safe..." Kiba shrugged.

"I'm never safe. He has to die."

Shino appeared back at the table, his pale skin even paler and his frown lines deeper than before. He looked at Tenten. "I specifically requested that I not be put in this play. Why? Because I could not act to save my life."

Tenten stared at him in horror. "You...?"

"However," Shino said, "Since I appear to have been chosen even above...Hyuuga...I shall have to do my best."

Tenten's shoulders slumped. She'd been so looking forward to this, too.

Damn everything.

* * *

"Okay dudes, line up where I can see you! NOW!" Anko toted her megaphone around even though she was inches away from the stage, lounging in the front tier of the auditorium. She snapped her fingers to hurry everyone into line.

Iruka flushed and shook his head. He disagreed with some of the casting here, but had long since given up trying to reason with this madwoman.

Tenten stood next to Shino and sighed. Even though he looked expressionless she could feel his bad mood radiating off of him in waves. Probably due to the fact that Anko had threatened his grade if he refused to be her 'ickle wickle Dwakula' (at which point she'd smacked her lips at him and caused him to make the fastest exit Tenten had ever seen).

She looked down the line of the cast. Neji looked a little bewildered himself at not being Dracula, and shot covert glances at the Aburame from under lowered brows. For his part, Shino completely ignored the hostility aimed in his direction and sent some of his own towards their director. If looks could kill, she imagined that Anko...would still be alive, but only after having been tortured for several weeks.

Tenten had tried to stand with Neji, her 'husband', but Shino had appeared out of nowhere and...well, it was almost as though the look he'd given her through his shades was challenging her to get antsy and change the formation. And Tenten hated to give in to that.

Ino was getting in some 'practice' as 'Lucy', and was hanging all over Shikamaru like a skinny fur stole. Shikamaru, as Lord Arthur Holmwood, was no doubt going to be glad to drive the stake through Ino's heart.

Temari was determinedly huddled with Sakura and Hinata, trying to both ignore the lecherous grin of their Van Helsing, Hidan, and the strange looks her baby brother was giving Sakura. While Tenten still believed that Shino was much more of a Renfield than a Dracula, she was deeply amused to see the psychotic Gaara playing the psychotic henchman, with Naruto as his long suffering doctor Jack Seward.

Kiba was acting very un-Quincy-like, hovering around Hinata and doing bunny ears behind her head. Tenten would love to see that in dress rehearsal – it would be a picture for the yearbook for sure.

She sighed again.

"As you should all know by now, we're following the movie," Anko called through the MP. "But because I fell asleep halfway through the movie, some of this shit is made up. Improv! That's good, you know? So! Some things are gonna be different. Don't be getting cocky if you stayed awake through the whole thing, because this entirely new stuff."

"Does Van Helsing get to fuck one of the saucy brides?" Hidan smirked, glancing over his broad shoulder to where Temari stood glowering at him. "I got no stage-fright, seriously."

"Van Helsing doesn't get to do that, but I can tell you who he _can_ fuck," Anko leered.

Hidan shuddered. "No thanks. You're scarier than Noob over there."

"Listen up, bastard – " Temari snarled.

"Good to see we're all getting along!" Anko cheered. "Now, we're gonna have our first rehearsals today. The play was meant to be at the end of the semester, but that wanker Gai stole that spot for his martial arts display. So we've got TWO WEEKS!"

"What?!" Everyone looked at each other. How the hell were they meant to remember their lines and practice enough in that amount of time.

"No worries!" Iruka cut in, sounding harrassed. "We...kind of anticipated who we'd have in our cast for a little while and took the liberty of having some costumes ready made."

"Especially yours, sugar," Anko winked at Shino.

Tenten could have been mistaken, but she thought she heard him whimper.

"OKAY, FIRST UP!" Anko snapped her fingers, and Tenten wished she could break them. "You guys should have all read the highlighted bits of the script by now. So first of all – Renfield and Dr Seward in the sanitarium. MOVE IT!"

Gaara, sleeves tied together by Naruto for the straitjacket effect, plopped down in the middle of the stage and stared balefully up at Naruto as the blonde played a strangely cheerful Dr Seward. When Sakura hissed at him from the other side of the stage, Naruto quickly forced his face into an expression that resembled a constipated cow.

Gaara snickered. "Would you care for a hors d'oeuvre, Dr Seward - or a canape?" His voice dripped with mockery, and Tenten had to admit – Gaara had the mad-eyed look down pat. She nodded her approval – maybe he was gonna be pretty good as Renfield after all.

Naruto's lips twitched convulsively, and he fought against the grin with everything he had. "No, thank you, Gaa - Mr Renfield. How are you feeling tonight?"

Gaara. "Far better than you, my lovesick doctor. Oh, who writes this shit?" The last part was completely ignored by everyone. Anko had already written into the script that Renfield had Tourettes on top of all of his other numerous mental illnesses.

"Is my personal life of interest to you?"

"Of course it is. All life interests me – fucking hell," Gaara groaned, his head rolling back.

Naruto tried to disguise his snort as a cough into his fist. "Um - your diet! Your diet, Mr Renfield, is gross. Disgusting. I meant disgusting." He shot an apologetic look over his shoulder to the directors, flushing.

Gaara mimed playing with insects on his fingers, apparently enjoying the ick factor. Tenten shot a look at Shino to see if he was reacting at all to the idea of his little friends being eaten, but the Aburame was motionless and silent. "Actually, they're real nutritious. You see, each life that I ingest gives back life to me."

"The fly gives you life?"

"Yep. But you might as well ask a man to eat molecules with a pair of chopsticks than to interest me in lesser carnivore blah blah." Gaara glared at Anko, as though she'd written the script rather than stolen it directly from IMDB.

"I'll have to invent a new classification of a lunatic for you," Naruto said, widening his eyes. "What about spiders? Spiders eat the flies!"

"Yes, spiders eat them." Gaara had noticed Sakura watching him, and his voice had taken on a deep, speculative tone.

"What about sparrows?"

"Hmmm?"

"Gaara," Naruto hissed. "Sparrows!"

The redhead blinked, but never looked away from Sakura, who was turning a red to rival Hinata's. "Oh, yes. Did you say sparrows?"

"Something larger maybe?" Naruto said, exasperated.

Gaara's grin was slow, evil. "Oh, yes. A kitten. I beg you! A little, sleek, _pink_ - a playful kitten."

"That definitely wasn't in the script," Tenten frowned. Shino nodded.

He looked at Tenten. "It is important to you? That this be accurate?"

Tenten hesitated. Then the words spilled out of her mouth in a rush of frustration. "I used to watch this movie with my dad – it was a traditional thing. We knew every line and loved acting out the parts. And after watching it we'd settle down and he'd play me Eric Clapton's 'Wonderful Tonight'."

"Your father...is alive?"

"No," she sighed. "He died a few years back. Freak accident involving a table."

Shino stared, then seemed to think it wise not to question her further. He turned his attention back to the scene.

"Something I can teach. Something I can feed. No one would refuse me a kitten," Gaara continued devilishly.

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, aware that something was going on but not sure what. "Wouldn't you prefer a cat?"

"Oh yeah," Gaara smirked. "I like pussy."

Tenten dropped her script. From behind the backstage curtain, Temari's dismayed cry echoed out into the theatre, followed by Hidan's guffaws.

"I'm leaving that in," Anko grinned, applauding.

"Oh dear god, everything is wrong," Tenten groaned, burying her face in her hands.

"You're not serious?" Iruka asked Anko, his eyes wide.

"Why the hell not? It's inventive – that kid has creativity. SOMEONE GET HIM A GOLD STAR!"

"Anko," Iruka winced. "Parents will be bringing their _kids_ to this show."

"And?" Anko cocked a brow.

"Don't you think it's a little...explicit for them?"

"He's only talking about a little pussy cat," Anko said, wide-eyed. Her hand dropped into Iruka's lap and _squeezed_. The man made a noise so high-pitched that he sounded like a whistling kettle. "I say it stays! NEXT – Van Helsing, Mina and the three brides. Get your asses into gear!"

Tenten stepped out onto the stage, a little wary at being near Temari's stalker. The guy had apparently harassed Temari constantly from day one, and while he was good-looking enough, he had the same 'plenty of lights on upstairs but they're strobes and discotheque' glint in his eyes that Gaara tended to get.

Temari was uncharacteristically cowed, and stayed behind Hinata and Sakura.

With a sigh, Tenten stood in close to Hidan – close enough to appreciate the amazing way he smelled - and imagined it was Neji.

"ACTION!" Anko yelled, and winked at Iruka. "Later for you, doll."

"Here," Hidan said. "You gotta eat." He grinned suddenly, though Tenten had no idea what was funny.

"I am not hungry," she said, pouring every bit of her acting conviction into the words. This was one of her favourite scenes – the start of Mina's descent into vampirism. She wanted to make it good.

"Mina!"

Tenten began to twist and scream. Taking their cue, Sakura, Hinata and Temari moved to Tenten's right and began to beckon and call to 'Mina', cooing seductively. Temari looked a little distracted and the glare on her face wasn't very seductive at all. Hinata was so red that she didn't look tempting so much as virginal. Tenten prayed that makeup would help this out when the play was done for real.

Coming out of her trance, Tenten looked at 'Van Helsing' hungrily, edging closer to him until her palms were pressed against his chest (nice!). "You've been so good to me, professor. I know that Lucy had secret desires for you...she told me. I too know what men desire..."

A little mortified, Tenten leant up to kiss Hidan – irritation slashing into her when he was more than happy to kiss back. Tenten heard a growl somewhere to her right. A whooshing sound came from the left and Hidan's head jerked. He stepped backward, eyes wide. "WHAT THE FUCK?"

He touched the back of his head and whipped around, looking for culprits. He bent down and picked a brown cylinder up from the floor.

"Who the fuck threw this shit at my fucking head? I'll wipe you out, seriously!"

"GET IT BACK TOGETHER, VAN HELSING!" Anko yelled, and snapped her fingers.

"Yeah, get back to it, Van Helsing," Temari sneered.

Hidan glared at her. "Get off my fucking back, vampire hussy."

"HEY – "

"Let's just get on with it," Iruka pleaded, close to nervous breakdown.

Tenten cleared her throat. Hidan was still muttering about the deadly item he held in his hand, so she took it from him and tucked it into her jeans pocket. "Would you cut off my head and drive a stake through my heart like you did poor Lucy, you murdering bastard?"

She tried to bite Hidan – who looked for a moment like he might let her and enjoy it too. But then he remembered who he was meant to be. "No! Not while I'm alive! I've sworn to protect you – come back to the light!" He pressed an imaginary cross to her forehead and Tenten screamed.

Temari, Hinata and Sakura moved closer, calling and beckoning. Temari was glowering at Hidan viciously.

Hidan smirked, grabbing Tenten close to his side. For a horrifying moment, she was sure she felt his hand touch her boob. "No! We're safe within the circle. I lost that whore Lucy, I won't lose you to him too!"

Tenten groaned at the bastardising of the classic movie happening right here, under her nose.

"Whores of Satan – especially you in the middle – this is holy ground, seriously! Fuck off and fast! I command you! I command you in the name of Jashin!"

"_Christ_," Tenten hissed.

"I don't believe in that pagan bullshit, woman," Hidan muttered.

The three brides mimed attacking horses.

"HEY! STOP IT!" Hidan yelled. "Stop it, before I penetrate you with my ten foot stake!" He snickered. "More like ten inch."

Temari stopped her acting and turned to glare at him. "For fuck's sake – what the hell is your problem?"

"Right here on the stage, vampire whore – right here."

"This is getting good," Anko said, leaning forward in her seat. "SOMEONE GET A SPOTLIGHT ON THEM!"

"Okay, that is _it_. You're dying, and you're dying now," Temari snarled, darting forwards.

"Uh – CUT!" Iruka leapt up, waving his hands around. Taking pity, Kiba and Neji burst in to break up the fight. Shino calmly plucked Tenten out of Hidan's arms and walked away again. "Oh dear god. Um...last one for today – let's have the movie theatre scene between Dracula and Mina."

Tenten cleared her throat and looked up at Shino , who seemed to slump in resignation. He strode out onto the stage.

"Remove the glasses, Casanova," Anko grinned.

"...I shall remove them for the final show, if I must," Shino said. "But not until then."

"Oooh, a mystery. I like mysteries," Anko winked. "Do I get a private showing?"

"ANYWAY," Tenten said.

"Right, right. Oh, and guys! I added in something extra here. For dramatic effect and good old eroticism, Dracula actually does bite Mina a teensy weensy bit in this scene," Anko said. "So make it believable or I'll murder you in your sleep, mmmkay?"

Shino paled, and Tenten wasn't sure if it was because of Anko or because of the change in scene.

He took a deep breath and turned towards Tenten. "Astounding. There are no limits to science."

Said with the emotional depth of a frozen fish.

Tenten looked at him, trying to imagine him as Dracula. She couldn't - not with that dispassion and those shades. Not when he didn't look like Neji. " How can you call this science? Do you think Madame Currie would invite such comparisons? Really! I shouldn't have come here. I must go." Tenten whirled on stage as though to leave.

When Shino reached out and grabbed her arm, it startled her – whether the play demanded it or not, it seemed like such an incredible thing for him to do that she could only gape at him and wonder at the electricity that seemed to flow through her body at the touch.

"Do not fear me," he said, and his voice was deeper. His acting was still terrible, his face expressionless, but Tenten could hear a velvety note in his tone that made her shudder.

Suddenly, he flushed. He leaned over her, and her eyes flew wide – before she realised that this was part of the scene. Commanding her heart to calm itself, Tenten forced herself back into the moment. "Uh – s-top this! Stop this!"

Shino said something and – to his immense credit, it sounded like he said it in the original Romanian.

"God, who are you? I know you!" Tenten gasped.

"I have crossed oceans of time to find you," Shino said.

He jerked forwards – paused. Jerked forwards again. He awkwardly parted his lips and leant in.

Tenten's heart picked up again. Oh god – this was the bit where...the bit that...

He was closer – closer. He smelled like pine needles and something strangely chemical...something elusive. Kind of like Dr Pepper and yet not. His lips hovered just above her neck –

He stumbled backwards. Tenten could see a raging blush on Shino's cheeks and he shook his head. "Excuse me, Tenten-san."

"Well," Anko drawled. "You're gonna have to work on that. I'm completely dry – no excitement at all. If I don't see at least a little sucking next time, someone's gonna die."

Hidan snickered.

"Anytime, sweetie," Anko grinned, making the man's grin disappear. "Okay, that's a wrap for today. Get your asses back here in two days and be prepared. MOVE OUT!"

Even as everyone else moved off, Tenten remained frozen. She stared at Shino's retreating form and wondered what the hell had just happened.

* * *

Tenten figured she was the last person in the auditorium, and was surprised when she stepped out from the backstage curtain and saw Shino sitting on the edge of the stage, his guitar balanced on his thighs. At first, she heard the soft and clear strumming but didn't register it.

Then she recognised the opening bars, and her heart slammed.

"It's late in the evening...she's wondering what clothes to wear..."

Shino's deep voice, while emotionless on stage, was rich and lulling as he sang. It's calmness suited the song – made it sound somehow better than the original. His guitar playing was flawless, and Tenten watched him with her heart beating loudly in her ears.

"She puts on her makeup...and brushes her long brown hair..."

Wait. Tenten blinked. That wasn't right, was it? It was 'blonde' in the original - she was sure of it. Warmth flooded her.

She listened.

The song was over before she knew it. She could only stare in dumbstruck silence as he rose and left the stage with his guitar without a word. Had he known she was there? Had he sung that because of her?

Tenten felt dizzy with confusion. Disliking Shino _just_ _because_ wasn't very easy now.

She felt something in her pocket and pulled it out. It was the small brown cylinder that had whacked Hidan on the head. She shook it. It appeared to be hollow inside and had something heavy in it rattling around.

She stared at the plastic casing. _Fast Fret. Cleans strings. Allows you to play faster. Brightens the sound. Long lasting. Won't soil or stain!_

She gaped. No way. Popping off the cap, she sniffed the wooden-handled brush inside.

Chemical. Kind of like Dr Pepper and yet...not.

She stared at the stage.

Wow.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto or Dracula

NOTES: I am soooo sorry it's taken me a long time to get this out! I've finally updated, thank god, and it's more cracky insanity than before. I wanna thank everyone for bearing with me and everyone who reads my stories - you're all brilliant and I appreciate the hits and reviews so much!

I'm just going to plug the ShinoTen FC before we get to the fic - the link is in my profile if you want to join, and I'd love to see you there. We have fanart, stories, AMVs, and general fun ShinoTen discussion so please drop in.

The song in this chapter is "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday (the More Than This version). There's definite Neji-bashing in this chapter (oh, how I hate him) so if you don't like that, be warned!

I hope you enjoy!

* * *

"Good morning, assholes!" Anko flopped into the front row of the auditorium, her megaphone tightly against her lips. In the other hand she clutched a frozen latte. Iruka, looking like he'd lost a fair bit of sleep, sat next to her and stared at the people on the stage with a look that could only be described as 'run for your lives!'

Tenten sighed and rubbed her arms. The auditorium was pretty chilly this morning, and she and the guys had been hanging around for quite a while. She'd been watching Neji do his stretches and practice his lines. She supposed that it was good that he played Harker, at least...it meant that she got to kiss him twice.

She still wished he'd gotten the role of Dracula, though.

"Okay guys, today, we get COSTUMES!" Anko pumped her arm up, almost sending her latte flying. "Meet our designer – Ebisu."

A tall, lanky man wearing round dark shades (_kind of similar to ones Shino used to wear as a freshman_, Tenten thought) appeared carrying a bundle of cloth over an arm. He looked around at all of the cast – his eyes lingering on Ino, who cringed and tucked herself against Shikamaru's side – and cleared his throat.

"He's already got the costumes ready, so all you guys have gotta do is wear them – dress rehearsals are from now on, so get your outfit from Ebisu, put it on, and hurry the fuck up." Anko hissed as Iruka wrestled the MP away from her.

"For the vampire brides...your outfits are lovely," Iruka said, his left eyelid twitching. "Completely modest. They won't make you look like prostitutes at all."

Hidan, enjoying his morning fix on the stage, blew coffee out of his nose.

Iruka glanced at Anko, irritation in his eyes. He looked at her frozen latte. "I thought I told you – no more coffee."

"Did you?"

"Yes," he huffed. "You know how it makes you."

"This doesn't count." She shook her latte at him. "There's ice in it."

"Damn it, Anko," Iruka grumbled. "Give it here." He tugged at the plastic container, trying to wrest it from her grip. She yanked back.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY – "

The tug of war ended when the plastic top popped off, and the frozen latte emptied itself into Iruka's lap. The man squealed as the ice landed directly on his crotch.

"My coffee!" Anko sighed. She yanked the MP back out of Iruka's hand, giving him a look that promised hellfire and nasty punishments later. "Listen up, my little puppets!"

Everyone shuddered.

"GOLD STARS! Know what that means?" Anko winked at them. "It means if you're especially...good...you'll get a shiny gold sticker, wherever I choose to put it."

Tenten thought she heard Gaara mutter something like 'up your ass', and chose to pretend she hadn't heard it. She saw Shino pulling his jacket lower over his rear out of the corner of her eye, a grimace on his face.

"Which reminds me," Anko said, tossing her empty latte cup into Iruka's lap – said man still frozen in horror in his seat as the ice melted into the seat of his pants. "I left them in the prop closet."

She pointed off to the side, at a perfectly unsuspicious door. Tenten was immediately suspicious.

Anko got up and walked over to the closet. "The prop closet is gonna hold – well, you do the math." She grinned. "It's small and cramped, if anyone wants to join me."

"Oh, hell no," Kiba cringed, watching Anko walk into the closet with a sway to her hips. "The stuff of nightmares, man, the stuff of nightmares."

"Nasty, believe it," Naruto shuddered.

"Who would even consider it?" Shikamaru sighed.

"Small and cramped?" Hidan hissed to Gaara, who bit his lower lip in thought. "Doesn't that sound like a fucking deus ex machina if you ever heard one?" The excitement in his voice was unmistakable, especially when he was glancing over his shoulder at Temari.

"Macka-what?" Gaara mumbled, clearly stoned.

"No, seriously," Hidan breathed. Tenten could see what was coming – it was like a car wreck unfolding in front of her. She looked at Shino, whose brows were drawn together as he watched the proceedings. "I'm nothing if not a fucking opportunist, right? I should totally scout the layout – if I could get her trapped there, it'd be easy pickings."

"Anko?" Gaara asked, dazed, as Hidan made his way towards the prop closet.

"Of course not _Anko_," Hidan called over his shoulder. "The fuck do you think I am, desperate?"

A hand grabbed him by the back of his white vest top and yanked him back a step. "Then why the hell are you about to go in the prop closet with her?" Temari demanded, her teal eyes flashing.

Hidan's eyes widened as he realised exactly what he'd been about to walk into. "Oh, fuck yeah! Thanks, noob – that would have been rape, seriously."

Tenten breathed out in relief. Disaster averted. They were all gonna have to watch out for the lure of the prop closet, even the girls – she didn't know if Anko bent that way, but it was best to be careful anyway. "Note to self," she said aloud, "work without props as much as possible."

"Agreed," Shino said quietly beside her. She looked at him – his calm profile and dark glasses – and remembered the failed attempt at biting in the last rehearsals. How his proximity and the idea of his lips and teeth on her had been disorienting.

It'd probably be like that with any guy, of course. Shino just happened to be the one to do it. Yeah, it'd be like that with _any_ guy.

Satisfied, Tenten smiled to herself.

_Any guy who played guitar like a god and flung around tubes of Fast Fret._

Anko came out of the prop closet, looking unsurprised that no one had taken her up on her offer. She waved a sheaf of gold star sheets around. "I'm expecting BEST BEHAVIOUR. I mean epic – give me something to think about tonight, guys."

Iruka whimpered and slouched in his seat.

"Okay, we should have been practicing the three suitors scene YESTERDAY. Hurry up!"

Everyone stepped out of the way to give Tenten, Ino, Naruto, Kiba and Shikamaru space to perform. Ebisu and Kankurou, one of the stagehands, pushed a couch onto the set. Tenten stood with Ino, and they pretended to watch guests arrive. Ebisu, standing in as the butler, called, "Mr Quincey P. Morris!"

Kiba strode up; cowboy hat firmly on his head, along with a set of chaps that Tenten was sure wasn't in the original Dracula. Her incredulity was genuine when she said to Ino, "Look...what is _that_?"

"A Texan," Ino giggled. "Quincey P. Morris. He's so young and fresh, like a wild stallion between my legs." Somewhere offset, Hidan snickered.

"I – _Lucy_, you're positively indecent," Tenten stuttered.

"I just know what men desire," Ino shrugged, tossing her blond hair over her shoulder. "Watch."

She swayed over to Kiba, and Tenten felt fleetingly envious of the seductive way Ino moved. She bet that if _she_ tried to move like that, she'd look like she was trying to shake toilet paper off of her shoe.

"Quincey, darling," Ino cooed at Kiba.

"Miss Lucy," Kiba said in a thick Texan accent that made Ino smother a laugh. He took the cowboy hat off of his head and clutched it close to his chest. "Why, you're as fresh as good mochi."

"_Spring rain_," Tenten hissed, wondering why Kiba was always so damned _hungry_.

"Oh, thank you!" Ino beamed, running her hand down Kiba's front. "Oh, please let me touch it. It's soooooo big..."

Hinata gave a loud cough. Ino winked at Tenten and pulled a fake Bowie knife out of Kiba's chaps. Tenten didn't know if Kiba's look of disappointment was acting or not.

"Little girl," Kiba drawled in his thick accent, "Oh my dear, sweet little girl. I hold your hand...and you've kissed me..." when Ino's hand strayed close to his hat, Kiba swatted it away and quickly put it back on his head. "But don't touch the hat, or I'll whoop your ass."

Tenten squeezed her eyes shut. Oh, Bram Stoker was probably spinning around in his grave right now. She didn't know what was worse – Kiba's butchering of the storyline, or that he did it in that godawful accent.

"Doctor Jack Seward!" Ebisu called out. Naruto entered, looking ridiculously out of place in a suit. He beamed at Ino.

"Jack!" Ino cheered. "Oceans – "

Naruto fell down.

"Too early, you dolt!" Ino hissed, shaking her fist at him.

"What a smart boy you have," Anko drawled to Iruka, who flushed.

"He has his moments!" He protested.

"I'm sure he does. Do these moments involve bright colours and spangly things?"

Ino cleared her throat and tried to press on with the scene. "Oh, Jack, my darling! Oh, poor little baby. Come over here." She helped him up, tugging a little too hard and almost sending him over again. "Come over here and I'll kiss it better. My poor little blossom. My poor little doctor. Really, doctor. What a naughty bear. Let me feel..."

Tenten rolled her eyes. Ino was laying it on thick – Naruto was starting to look wary.

"Arthur Holmwood, Esquire," Ebisu announced, as Shikamaru ambled up.

"Arthur!" Ino ran towards Shikamaru, her blond ponytail whipping Naruto in the face as she went. Kiba went over and sat on the couch, setting his hat next to him, as Naruto stood stock-still in the middle of the set, looking confused. "Oh, my darling. Like my dress? It's – "

"Yeah, it's great," Shikamaru yawned. He brushed past Ino and made his way to the couch. "Troublesome woman."

Tenten gaped. Ino stared at him, drop-jawed, as he sat down and propped his head against his hand, his eyes falling shut.

Naruto sat next to Kiba, watching the scene with raised eyebrows. "Uhhh...Kiba?"

"Play along," Kiba shrugged.

"SHIKAMARU!" Ino screeched.

"Would you be quiet?" Shikamaru grumbled.

"Ooh, uhhh, oops?" Naruto said, standing up and pulling Kiba's squashed hat out from under his butt. Kiba looked at the hat. Then at Naruto. Then back at the hat.

"Sum'bitch," he said in his accent – and he dove at Naruto, engaging one of the most ridiculous slap fights Tenten had ever seen. "LOOK – WHAT – YOU – DID – TO – MY – HAT!"

"I said I'm sorry!" Naruto yowled, struggling away from the slaps that brushed by his face and flailing back at Kiba as much as he could.

Ino stared. "Unbelievable. _Un_believable." She turned to face Anko and Iruka, outrage on her face. "What the hell? Aren't they meant to be falling over each other _and_ themselves to get in my panties? Eh?!"

Tenten groaned and buried her face in her hands.

"Hey, you!" Ino pointed at Hidan, who raised his eyebrows and pointed at himself for confirmation. "Yeah, you! You'd totally do me, right?"

Hidan thought about it. "I guess. You know, in a 'last people left on earth with no sheep around' scenario."

Ino pointedly ignored the last part of his reply. She turned to Gaara. "And you. You would, right?"

Gaara folded his arms and cocked a non-existant brow. "If I could forget about your personality, maybe."

Ino's jaw dropped.

Tenten prepared herself for the screaming fit of a lifetime.

"Her personality's a million times better than yours, Sabaku," Shikamaru muttered, cracking his eyes open to frown at Gaara. "So watch your mouth."

Ino stared at Shikamaru, her cheeks flushing. "Shika..."

Tenten smiled. See, that was how it was meant to be. Shikamaru had just gone up a few notches in her book, for knowing how to be a gentleman. Sometimes, anyway.

"How sweet," Anko said, sounding completely unmoved. "Naruto, Gaara, you're up!"

The set was changed around, and Gaara came out in a rather convincing straitjacket. His hair had been dampened, his face made to look like he'd been sweating. Tenten stood with the three brides offset to get a good view.

"THE MASTER OF ALL LIFE IS AT HAND!" Gaara cried, flailing in his straitjacket. Tenten jumped at his volume and the insanity on his face. "GATHER ROUND!"

The redhead turned his head, his eyes finding Sakura backstage. Tenten groaned inwardly. Were _all_ men ruled by raging hormones or something?

"I am here to do your bidding, master!" Gaara grinned, licking his lips. Sakura turned red. "I have worshipped you long and far off! Now that you are near, master, I am your slave!"

Yeah, Sakura was definitely getting affected.

"I await your command!"

Slightly away from Gaara, separated by a cardboard piece of set, Naruto pretended to be writing and voicing his thoughts aloud.

"The case of Renfield grows more interesting," he said slowly, parroting the lines with a look of concentration on his face. "Yet there is method in his madness, with his flies and spiders. Had I the secret of even one such mind, the key to the fantasy of one lunatic." He mimed injecting himself with something, and the look on his face was disturbingly orgasmic. "Lucy! Lucy!"

"DOCTOR!" Gaara yelled. "LAY OFF THE HEROIN AND ANSWER ME! WHERE'S THAT PINK PUSSY YOU PROMISED?"

Hidan and Kiba burst out laughing. Temari dropped her head into her heads and Sakura started shaking her fist, having to be held back by Ino and Tenten. "DAMN YOU GAARA!" She yelled.

"GOLD STAR!" Anko yelled, leaping up. "That's what I'm talking about, people!"

"Let's take a break!" Iruka called out. He had a large wet patch in the crotch of his trousers, and given that his colleague was Anko, no one wanted to assume it was from the frozen latte.

Tenten went over to her bags and hesitated. She glanced over her shoulder, to where Neji was standing away from the others, glaring at Gaara. They'd have some scenes together soon, her and Neji, and she was looking forward to it. She'd never had much chance to work with him so closely before.

With a little smile, Tenten removed a bento from her bag. It was the extra one. The one she'd made...

She shook her head. _Don't start blushing now, Tenten, or you'll never have the guts to do it_. Taking a deep breath, she walked over to Neji. "Hey...Neji?"

He turned his pale eyes to her, his expression frozen.

"I made a bento – would you like it?" She held it out a little, smiling. Strange, how exhilarating nervousness could be. Like an adrenaline rush.

"No."

And strange, how such a small word was like a punch in the gut. Tenten forced her smile to stay in place and her eyes to stay dry. "Okay," she said, moving away. She could only thank god no one had seen that – could only feel glad that Neji _wasn't_ Dracula, since she doubted she'd have been able to act convincingly after that.

What the hell was that guy's problem?

She put the bento back in her back, her own appetite gone. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

By the time break was over, she'd managed to get some semblance of control back. Tenten took a deep breath, returning to her position offset as Anko called Neji and Shino onto the stage for the ghostly carriage scene.

Shino didn't seem at his best. Well – he was always pretty awkward, Tenten noted, but his back was stiffer than normal and the sour expression on his face did his classical good looks no justice. He kept giving Neji some of the evilest looks she'd ever seen. Curious, she wondered if she should ask him later what was going on.

Since Dracula was in fact the carriage driver who collected Harker, Shino had to wear a dark get-up and sit on the seat of the one-sided fake carriage which had been ingeniously designed by Gaara and Temari's brother, Kankurou.

Dressed all in black with a sinister mask, Shino sat in the seat of the carriage which would be revealed on the dark stage by a spotlight.

Neji, in costume and holding a briefcase, got to stand on the stage and look around in confusion for a few moments. Tenten watched him and noticed how Neji's confusion looked a lot like every other facial expression he had.

Neji noticed Shino's carriage and stared at it. Tenten was sure he was going for a look of nervous surprise and decided to pretend he'd achieved it. Shino turned towards Neji and reached out a hand, clapping it on Neji's shoulder.

He started to guide him towards the open doorway of the carriage. Then his movements suddenly sped up, and he jerked Neji forwards – smacking his forehead into the wooden side of the carriage hard enough that Neji bounced off of it and fell on his butt on the floor.

Tenten gasped, clapping a hand to her mouth.

"Holy shit," Anko cried. "What's up with the concussion, Drac?!"

The black-covered Shino looked up, his face completely obscured by the mask. There was silence. Then, "...I was improvising."

"Fuckin' A," Anko clapped. "Not sure I understand your reasoning, but you get a gold star. I like violence. Okay – change the set over, ready for the bathroom scene!"

Shino took off the mask, his hair mussed by it, and Tenten caught the satisfied look on his face before he schooled his features back into neutrality. She was amused to note that he'd never taken off his shades. He took off the black cloak and left on the odd gown that Count Dracula would wear around the castle.

It looked...surprisingly good on Shino, actually.

"What is your problem?" Tenten heard Neji hiss to Shino as he passed him, and she tensed.

Shino looked up and arched a brow. "_You_ are my problem." He said something else – too low for her to catch – but Neji's face turned red.

"OKAY!" Anko yelled into the MP. "Hyuuga, take your spot with the razor in front of the mirror. I realise that when you've got a razor in your hand you're usually in a corner, but work with me here."

Hidan and Kiba started singing 'Dude Looks Like a Lady' in perfect synch, with Gaara miming cutting his wrists. Tenten shushed them.

Glaring, Neji stood in front of the mirror on set and held a fake straight-razor in his hand. He pretended to shave – his eyes catching sight of Shino's reflection in the mirror. He acted as though he'd nicked himself in surprise.

"I didn't hear you come in," he said, his voice cold. He narrowed his eyes at Shino in the mirror.

Shino walked up behind him, and Tenten was impressed at how he managed to look as though he was gliding across the floor...even if he was the strangest Dracula in existence, with spiky hair and wraparound shades. He stopped at Neji's shoulder. "Take care how you cut yourself," Shino said, his voice lilting. A small smirk appeared on his face. "It is more dangerous than you think."

He mimed breaking the mirror, which Kankurou – hiding just out of sight – took down.

"A foul bauble of man's vanity," Shino said, looking directly at Neji. "Perhaps you should grow a beard."

He took the straight-razor from Neji's hand and pretended to lick off the blade. Tenten's breath caught.

"The letters I requested. Have you finished them?"

Neji, eyes narrowed, handed Shino three letters.

"Good."

Shino began to mime shaving Neji. There was a strange tension in the auditorium – everyone backstage had fallen silent, and even Anko was on the edge of her seat with concentration.

"Should you leave these rooms," Shino said, "you will not by any chance go to sleep in any other part of the castle. It is old and has many bad memories." The fake straight-razor paused at Neji's throat, just below his jaw, and Tenten swore she saw Shino press it in. "Be warned."

"I think I just came," Anko said, awed.

The moment was broken, and everyone looked at her.

"No, really," she gaped. "I haven't been surrounded by that much male testosterone since Genma and Kakashi – "

"Just stop, woman," Iruka groaned, rubbing his temples. He looked at Shino and Neji, who had yet to stop glaring at each other. "Thanks, guys. If we could just – "

"ARGH!"

Hidan ran onto the stage, holding his arms over his head as Temari – in full skimpy Dracula's bride glory – ran out after him, battering him with a wooden cross. "STOP! Fucking STOP! Don't hit me with that pagan bullshit, you fucking – "

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR SUPPLYING MY BABY BROTHER WITH WEED!" Temari screamed, giving Hidan a sound whack around the head that echoed around the auditorium.

Tenten winced.

"He's never gonna be the same again," Sakura cringed. "Look, he's bleeding and everything."

"Weed? That's _illegal_," Iruka called, but his face was the face of a man too far gone to care anymore.

"The only weed allowed in here is weed _I'm_ smoking," Anko demanded. "Gaara – empty your pockets."

The redheaded boy calmly emptied them out, revealing a single wrapped condom ("strawberry flavoured", he mouthed to Sakura), a couple of yen bills and pocket knife that looked to be at least two inches larger than the legal regulations.

"Eh," Anko shrugged. "Whatever, let's get on with it."

Temari stared incredulously. "But – I saw you smoking it a second ago! You had a huge chunk of weed, too."

Gaara shrugged.

"Where's the weed?" Sakura hissed.

"You don't wanna know, Sakura-chan," Naruto warned.

As one, the entire onstage ensemble looked at Gaara's butt.

"Oh, that is SO wrong," Ino gaped.

"I'm kinda torn between admiring you and being completely disgusted by you," Kiba admitted, ruffling his brown hair.

"Disgust is the more socially acceptable option," Shikamaru said. "Stop staring at his butt, Ino."

Gaara bore the comments and the stares with apathy. Temari, looking sickened to learn yet another 'quirk' of her little brother's, whirled on Hidan. "I bet YOU'RE to blame for this, choir boy!"

"Fuck no," Hidan yelped, dancing away from the wooden cross that narrowly missed his family jewels. "I recommended getting a glass eye, no way in hell would I stick something up my fucking ass, seriously."

"Perhaps you should stop staring as well," a low voice murmured into Tenten's ear. She jumped, looking up into Shino's lenses. When he'd appeared next to her, she had no idea. The man moved as silently as a sneaky fart sometimes.

She gulped, her cheeks reddening. "I was just...wondering how – "

"Please." Shino grimaced. "Don't."

She chuckled. Shino's lips curled up faintly at the edges. Tenten felt warm – something about Shino's attention was like sunshine, and his amusement felt like some kind of victory – even if it was over Gaara's choice of drug hiding places.

"As entertaining as this all is," Anko called, in a voice that said 'you're all boring the fuck out of me', "the day's almost over and we've got one more scene to do. Dracula, Mina, get out on stage. You're gonna practice the dancing scene!"

Tenten gulped. Shino's face lost a little of its colour, his small smile dropping like an anvil off of a cliff. His expression was strange – well, no...he was clearly horrified. It was strange, rather, that Tenten felt crestfallen by the look. Slighted.

She gulped. "You...know how to dance, right?" She asked, laughing airily. Of course he knew – Shino came from a fairly well-respected family in the neighbourhood who were often lurking at the centre of social functions, without drawing attention to themselves. She was asking to try and find a way out of the awkward moment.

"No," Shino replied.

Tenten stared. "You're kidding, right?"

A flush spread over his pale cheeks.

"DRACULA! MINA!"

"Okay!" Tenten snapped back. She stepped out onto the stage, a very reluctant Shino following her. She turned to face Shino, sympathy stirring inside her at the way his eyebrow twitched. It was odd – being an Aburame and not knowing a basic social function like dancing. And his family always seemed very 'let's use the right spoon for the right meal or else'. Okay...Shino wasn't your typical well-off kid. He looked like a bit of punk sometimes, actually, with his bandanas and guitars.

It taught her not to assume, eh?

"Put your hand on my waist," Tenten said in a low whisper.

Panic flashed over his features and disappeared as quickly as it had come. "_Where_?"

Huffing, Tenten grasped one of his hands and settled it at her waist. As she moved closer to him, the chemical-like scent she associated with the Fast Fret for his guitar filled her nose, reminding her of the end of their last rehearsal.

She pressed her hand against his other one, moving in closer still. "Now follow my lead," she whispered.

He nodded curtly.

The first few steps went well – Shino even managed to stand straight-backed and regal, like Dracula. Then he stumbled.

No problem. She could deal.

He stumbled again. And again.

"Shino – " She started.

He tripped up, pitching forwards. Tenten gasped as he fell against her and knocked them both to the floor.

"ALL RIGHT! WAY TO TAKE INITIATIVE!" Hidan cheered.

"Why can't we ever have a straight rehearsal?" Sakura grumbled.

Tenten gulped, flat on her back on the stage. She looked up to where Shino hovered above her, his body pressed fully against hers. It took her mind a moment to comprehend the fact that he was nestled quite snugly between her legs. The moment it did so, a full body flush turned her tomato red.

"Uhhh...?"

"I apologise." His voice was strained, his muscles tense.

Man, was it just her, or was there a sudden mass of saliva in her mouth? Tenten swallowed and took a deep breath. "And yet...you're not moving."

Shino bit his lower lip and shifted – turning his own shade of red when Tenten gasped as the movement pushed them closer together. "This is true."

"Are they fucking?" Anko asked excitedly. "I mean, that's so far from the script that it's criminal but I have to admire the innovative take. GOLD STAR!"

Anko's words seemed to kick start Shino's rationality. He jumped up, with far more grace than his dancing, and stumbled backwards. He readjusted the billowing Dracula robes and ran his fingers through his hair as Tenten stood up, her face bright red as their cast mates applauded.

"Who needs pay per view?" Kiba teased, wolf-whistling.

Tenten groaned and rubbed the back of her neck. She wasn't sure what was worse – the fact that she was never going to live this down, or the fact that her heart still hadn't settled back to its normal rhythm. All because of Shino.

**

"Another action-packed butchering over with," Temari muttered, clearly happy to be back in jeans and a vest top. "It started with perversity and it ended with – oh, wait, guess what..."

"Shut up," Tenten muttered, burying her face in her hands. Hinata patted her on the shoulder.

"What the hell happened there?" Ino asked, wide-eyed. "It looked like he ground against you and everything."

"No, no, it was just an accident," Tenten babbled. "He tripped, and we fell, and we were confused, so then he got up, and – " She glanced over her shoulder, at where Kiba and Shino were sitting together on-stage. Shino was playing guitar softly, his head bowed.

"Why are you so red if it was an accident?" Temari asked.

"And the two of you couldn't have run away from each other faster," Sakura smirked.

"You're a fine one to talk," Tenten shot back. "What, didn't want to take Gaara up on his strawberry condom deal?"

Sakura blushed, avoiding Temari's disgusted eyes.

"Can we PLEASE forget every little thing I've learned about Gaara," Temari begged. "I feel like I can never look at him again."

"And Tenten has yet to stop staring at Shino," Ino remarked.

Tenten turned bright red and snapped her head back to her friends. "I'm not staring!"

"Y-you were, Tenten," Hinata smiled. "Sorry."

"I don't see you staring at the Hyuuga lately," Temari noted, folding her arms. "And you talk about him a helluva lot less too."

"Do you like Shino?" Ino demanded.

"When did this happen?" Sakura asked, her eyes wide.

"Just now?" Ino asked, and tipped a wink. "Was he like a stallion between your thighs?"

All of the girls but a very red-faced Tenten burst out laughing, looking over at Shino.

When Tenten followed their gazes, she saw Shino lift his head. He frowned at them and turned his attention back to the guitar.

Anko started shooing people out of the auditorium, saying something about the school being closed soon because of Gai-sensei and a 'gay pride festival'. She 'politely' asked Neji if he was going to stay, and he flounced out of the auditorium with an exaggerated hair flick.

Tenten waved goodbye to her friends and set her backpack on her shoulders.

"Hey, Tenten." Anko winked at her, one arm around the shoulders of a very worried-looking Shino, who clutched his guitar case close to himself. "C'mere a second."

Tenten winced as Anko wound her free arm around Tenten's shoulders and began walking with them.

"See, you guys are worrying me a little," she explained. "That last little moment – well, it was interesting, but even _I_ knew it was an accident. And fortunate accidents don't happen often – just ask Iruka."

When Tenten saw Anko's smirk, she decided she'd rather not.

"So my problem is that you guys need some chemistry. And fast." She grinned at them. "So get working on it."

With surprising strength, she shoved them both into the prop closet and slammed the door. Tenten's cry choked off as she heard the lock sliding into place.

"Sh-she can't do that! She can't do that, right?" Tenten asked, panicked. She pounded her hands against the door. "HEY! You can't do that!"

Shino was silent.

It was pitch black in the closet and she couldn't see him at all – she could only hear his quiet breathing and feel his guitar case pressing against her leg in the cramped space. With a groan, Tenten sank down to the floor and tried to sit in a position that didn't cause everything to fall on top of her.

She heard the rustle of clothing that said that Shino had copied her.

Tenten bit her lip and breathed in deeply to calm herself. She was lucky she wasn't claustrophobic – she probably would have flipped out and practically killed Shino in the process.

Shino. She would really rather it was someone else she'd been locked in with, though she'd obviously have preferred not to be locked in at all. After their little onstage catastrophe she was finding him a little too much to take in.

...god, that sounded terrible.

She blushed, suddenly grateful for the darkness.

The silence wore on until Tenten sighed. "Are you...hungry?"

"...a little."

She paused, reached for her backpack. "I have a spare bento...if you want it?" She remembered Neji's rejection of it – and then Shino's strange behaviour with the Hyuuga onstage. Maybe –

"If you do not mind."

His voice was really quite lovely, Tenten decided, fishing out the bento and passing it to him. Deep and soothing.

They ate in silence, resigned to their fate of a night in the prop closet. After Anko left, no one else would be by until morning. A whole night in the prop closet, with someone else.

Wasn't this normally how babies were made in the movies?

Tenten choked.

"Are you alright?"

She nodded – then realised he couldn't see her. "Y-yeah."

He sighed. "Perhaps you should sleep. It's after ten."

"So late?" She asked, surprised. She could feel his thigh pressing slightly against hers and took comfort in its touch in the dark. "I don't think I could possibly sleep like this, not right now."

Shino paused. "Would you like me to play for you?"

"Can you? In this little space, in the dark?"

"I know the positions off by heart," he said simply. "And I will merely have to hold the guitar at an angle."

She smiled. He was so methodical. So calm. "If you don't mind?"

Tenten listened to the sounds of him carefully working the guitar out of its hardcase. She felt him moving next to her – felt the neck of the guitar come close to her face, and then his whispered apology. Telling herself that it would make it easier for him, she removed her head from the way by laying it on his shoulder.

Shino paused.

Then the first strains of guitar started. It was gentle, soft. She marvelled at his skill even in a place like this.

"Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding  
Fall into your sunlight..."

She blinked. He was singing again? Tenten smiled against his shoulder. She didn't mind. His voice was...perfect.

"The future's open wide beyond believing  
To know why hope dies  
Losing what was found, a world so hollow  
Suspended in a compromise  
The silence of this sound is soon to follow  
Somehow sundown..."

He paused. Tenten wondered how it was possible for one voice to show so much emotion.

"And finding answers  
Is forgetting all of the questions we called home  
Passing the graves of the unknown.

As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading  
Illusions of the sunlight  
And the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting  
Love gone for so long.

This day's ending is the proof of time killing all the faith I know  
Knowing that faith is all I hold.

And I've lost who I am  
And I can't understand  
Why my heart is so broken  
Rejecting your love..."

Another pause. If she wasn't feeling so sleepy, her body beginning to lose its sense of control, she might have questioned the catch in his voice.

"Without love gone wrong  
Life  
Less words  
Carry on,

But I know  
All I know  
Is that the end's beginning.

Who I am from the start  
Take me home to my heart  
Let me go  
And I will run  
I will not be silenced..."

By the time Shino finished, Tenten was asleep. He set his guitar aside and settled down for a night in the darkness, his only companion snuggled up into his shoulder.


End file.
